Go ahead and Judge Me

Im pretty sure no one has ever spoken the words "go ahead and judge me," but the problem is, everyone does whether you ask for it or not. One thing I can't understand is why us mothers feel the need to judge each others parenting skills and choices. I seriously find myself hiding some things I choose to do with my daughter for the fear of glares and comments I may receive. I don't need or want anyone telling me I am doing a bad job and how I'm going to ruin my child. I think I am doing pretty darn good for never having done this before. We are both healthy and alive, that's success in my book. Come on people, we need to be lifting each other up during this ride called parenthood, not tearing each other down. It is the biggest learning experience ever and mistakes are going to be made. Guess what our parents and grandparents would've said? "I did that with you and you lived didn't you?" Haha, if I had a dime for everytime I heard that phrase, I could retire! I am going to put all of my awesome (sense my sarcasm) parenting skills out there for all of you judgers to pick at and all of you scared new moms out there to relate to and know it's going to be okay. I believe you know your child best and to each's own. br />

I am now willing to acknowledge that I may be the reason why my diva baby does not take a bottle. Okay, it is my fault. Thank you for all of your imput and suggestions on my post, Breast & Bottle. I gave each one a fair shot, only to realize the problem is her self absorbed mother. I am probably not doing her any favors but I since have recognized that anytime my baby would want to nurse, it wasn't always because she was hungry. She would be sleepy and want comfort, I would whip it out and when she was actually hungry, I would whip it out again. Pretty much anytime she would ask, she received. That's what you're supposed to do right? Well, I really did stick to the bottle training and after a few tears, she would take it. When she took the bottle she would only eat 2-3 times that day and be satisfied. Hmmm that's weird, she eats 24 times a day normally. Kidding, but that's what it feels like. So after a week of this I realized that the nursing every time she whined was more for me, no wonder she doesn't take anything else. It's MY fault. Oh and I haven't tried the bottle for about 4 days, go ahead and judge :).

Confession number two. My child sleeps on her tummy and has since she was a newborn. Oh I can hear all of your gasps right now. No one talks about this taboo out of fear of being judged. Everything now screams BACK TO SLEEP. I of all people should know this. Yes, I have told a few white lies about her doing this, why though? It's how she sleeps best. I put her on her back and she startles and screams. Yes, I have tried the swaddle blankets and sleep sacks, she is a ninja and busts out, or screams until she is out. Congratulations to all of you rule following parents out there. When you find a REAL book on how to raise a baby, let me know. Want to hear what makes this tummy sleeping thing worse? She loves to burry her head in a blanket. Not even kidding. I wait for her to settle down and then remove it from her face. That is one good thing I do. She basically is making the rules at this point. Parent of the year award goes to me!

Confession number three. Oh these are going to just keep getting better and your judgement radar is ringing off the charts by now. My sweet baby girl sleeps with me. Oh yeah, I told you it was getting good. This has nothing to do with her, this is so my fault. It started off with her boycotting her bassinet. Seriously, why do we buy those dumb things anyways? I would take her out of it, nurse her lying down in bed, and she would fall asleep. Then I would hook my shirt back up and doze off too with her next to me. That my friends is how it all began. I now know what people mean by you will do anything for a few more hours of sleep. I did get more sleep with not having to get up out of bed, but not really considering the fact I woke up every 5 minutes to check on her while she was next to me. Most every night at 9 pm we would nurse in bed, lying down, fall asleep and as soon as I hear her grunt, about 2 hours later, no she doesn't even get a cry out before my boob is back in her mouth. But who cares? Im just laying there, it's easy, and I love having her next to me. I love hearing her breathe, smelling her sweet baby skin, and most of all, I love how she lays on her side with her face in the crook of my arm. My fault again. I have since been working on this with her because I feel I am doing her no favors and I want to raise an independent sleeper. Two nights ago was the first time I put her to sleep in her crib. She solidified my insecurity by sleeping like a champ in her princess baby room. When she cried, I nursed her in her room and back into her crib she went, like a "normal" parent does. I was a mess. Tears and anxiety that she was away from me and I watched the monitor all night as if it were an everlasting movie, but we survived. I just love her so much, and I have no idea what I am doing, I'm just doing me. We are still successfully sleeping in our crib :) Go me!

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Confession number four. I fed my 3 month and 1 week old child rice cereal. Yep, this eating every 2 hours still thing has me wondering if she would take more. No, I did not put it in her bottle like all of you other bad moms out there (insert sarcasm), I fed her with a spoon. I did my research on what was the "best" cereal out there, like that would make it better that I am starting it a few weeks before you are supposed to. I mixed up some cereal with water, because I am not going to pump for two seconds just to see if she likes the cereal. Again, just pass the best parent trophy my way. She ate the cereal like she was a pro, shoving her bib in her mouth to lick off the excess. Whew! Notice how I didn't post that picture on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter? That's because I didn't want to hear all of the crap coming from the mouths of all the parenting experts out there, but now, I quite frankly don't care. No one is talking about things like this and when they do, they end up feeling like the worse parent ever. Clearly after reading this you are feeling pretty great about your parenting choices this far and that's what I wanted to accomplish. I am not saying don't listen to your Pediatrician about your baby's well being and please don't put your child's safety at risk. That is not what I am talking about here.

I am an educated woman who has been around a lot of babies and I remember saying things like, "I will never do that," or "my kid is never sleeping with me," before I was a parent. Oh how things change and the tables turn. I am a sappy old woman who turns to mush at the site of my baby girl. I wouldn't trade being a parent for the world, but I would change the judgement that comes along with it. I hope you enjoy this confessional and can relate to it at some point, whether you are as "bad" as me or not :)