Is this Really my Life?

Hello. It's me. I was wondering...sorry I had too! I swear I hear that song every time I say hello! Thanks Adele. Well it has been a long time since I have taken the time to actually sit down and blog. Life is just busy, but I like it. My little Stella & Dot business is doing well and I am setting goals that I am crushing. I love fashion and jewelry so it is such a great way for me to escape the "mom brain" that I had fallen in to. I am so grateful to my loyal customers and new ones too! I now have something else to talk about other than what my child ate for breakfast and how many times she has pooped in a day. Tell me I am not the only one with this syndrome please? Sometimes doing something little for yourslelf can have the greatest impact on you and the others around you. My favorite quote from the creator of Stella & Dot is posted in the the image below. Since it has been awhile, I have a lot to share with you. Well I am now the Mom to a 2 year old sweet baby girl with a personality bigger than this world, and I love it! She keeps me on my toes and tests my patience and ability as a Mom daily. I would not say she is in the terrible twos....I would more like classify as it the "Is this Really my life" stage? Or "did that really just happen" stage. I mean seriously, I can't even make this stuff up it is so good! Well sit back, relax, and enjoy this 3 ring circus I call life.

 First off, we got a new puppy. He is a male Goldendoodle, standard size because mini wasn't big enough I guess? We (well I did) thought it would be a great idea for Rowan to have a dog she could rough house with and grow up with because our 4lb Maltese wants nothing to do with her unless she is giving out food. Ummm that was a brilliant idea on my part. Did I forget what it was like to have a new puppy? All I ever wanted was another toddler to join me daily (said no mom ever), Louie is seriously the cutest and sweetest man, which is how we get through some days. Just like what I tell Rowan on days she is extra spicy....."You are lucky you are cute." Not only does he pee a river when he has an accident, his poop is 5X the size of normal poo leaving land mines in our yard, and he chews every toy my super tidy toddler leaves around. It is chaos around here most days now. I routinely find the dog eating food out of my toddlers mouth per her request because she thinks it is hilarious! Oh real funny. But they are the best of buds and seeing them play and him lay next to her when she is sick is the sweetest thing ever. We really do love him!

If being naked is a 2 year old phase I am so ready for it to be over! I swear everything bugs her!! If there is a tag in site, not even touching her, it needs to be cut out immediately or a meltdown occurs. Socks are like the devil to her and if they touch her feet she may breakdown, or the line in the sock is touching her toes wrong. Thank God for Uggs. I would pay double the price right now for them over dealing with the sock issue. Oh and she has mastered the whole part of taking off not just socks but everything including the diaper :/ I will be running around rushing to get somewhere on time (which I am never late) and picking up articles of clothing throughout the house to dress my child for the 3rd time that morning. I LOVE the inventor of the onsie that snaps :) It's is like a nice version of the straight jacket for toddlers and I am going to be so lost when she outgrows the 24month size :(

So a few weeks ago I was getting ready for the day in my bathroom and Rowan was playing in the basement with her toys. She yells upstairs "mom" to find me and then comes upstairs to hunt me down, like always. She walks into the bathroom but I did not look down at her and when I finally did she was naked....go figure. We have been working on trying to potty train, just introducing her to the idea. I am really not looking forward to it because I dread the days where we are in the middle of a store and IT happens, or the emergency car stops. Ugh. So I proceeded to ask her why she is naked. She says "I poop", which means to me maybe she wants to sit on the potty. I put her up on the toilet and she says "no I pee". I encouraged her to go, then bribed her, which works with pretty much anything! Parenting fail in every book, but a parenting win in mine :) Well no potty came out and I was ready to run errands, but had to run around the house and picking up her outfit to dress her. Finally I reached the basement where I found her pants and diaper on top of our entertainment center underneath the TV. Now how and why are they there?? So I walk up only to find, 2 giant turds on the top of the table. She peeks out from behind the door and said "see I poop." Yep. I see that. Are you kidding me? Is this really happening right now? Of course I can't say anything or get upset because I do not want her to be scared to take her pants down and potty but for the love of God!!! I think to myself, it could've been worse! Rowan=1 Mom=0 And no....I never found the pee. If you are my friend on Facebook (lucky you :) ) haha you get to see a lot of jewelry! If you don't like it, or the photos I post on Instagram of my outfits and jewelry, there is a little button that says unfollow or unfriend :) It really is simple. I get paid to wear great jewelry, help others accessorize and I make more money than working PRN or part time as a nurse. Crazy huh? Also you get to see a little tid bit of my sweet life. I shared this with friends but have to share it with you since it was too darn funny. I seriously laugh still laugh about it. I feel like I am forcefeeding my daughter daily and I swear if I did not make her eat, she wouldn't. So I bought Grape Nuts because they are healthy, and I like them. I made her a small bowl of cereal and put a touch of brown sugar on top to entice her more to eat it. I fed her the first bite, she looked at me with such haste and disgust and stated "This is disgusting. This is dog food." She took the bite out of her mouth and marched herself over to the dog bowl and put it in there for them. The dogs loved it! Haha Never a dull moment.

Last weekend we changed her baby bed into the toddler version of it because she just hops the rails and gets out as she pleases. I thought it would be easier than that. Emotional mess would be a good word to describe my state of being. Never will I ever have a baby again, never again will I reach over the rails that once kept her in and safe and pull out her sweet smiling face. Now I get to snuggle right on in beside her, only for her to tell me "get out of my bed." Haha She loves her bed that much! She only wants to cuddle for a hot minute then she wants to sleep. So sleep deprived moms all over the world, next time you go in for the 3rd feeding of the night with 1 eye open and you see that smiling baby, reach down and know that soon enough it will be all over and that phase will be a distant memory. Love and live in the moment please.

Lastly, I swear she thinks she is Van Gogh. She color and marks up everything!!! No matter how many times I tell her to only color on paper and I tell her NO 5 thousand times, she still can not manage to listen. As I am cleaning off the dining room table where I have stupidly put her crayons and papers, I find my light tan microfiber dining chair colored on with crayon....black crayon, oh and yellow highlighter. A few deep breaths later and a super fast Google search of "how to clean crayon off of microfiber" my chair looks brand new. That is when I know God is working in me and helping me with my patience, I calmly cleaned up the mess and moved the crayons to a secret location far above her reach and went about our day. Mom life right here folks and for all of you out there right now Googling the same thing....rubbing alcohol and a clean magic eraser. BRAND NEW. You're Welcome.

All of these moments somehow are seriously funny after the fact, maybe because the clean up so far has been pretty painless. But she knows how to work me over with a few sweet words "you da best ever". My heart melts and I remember why I love being her mommy. But I promise you I ask myself daily "Is this really happening? Is this really my life?" And I am sure glad it is.

Cheers!

If you love fashion & jewelry follow me on instagram at Ashleyn2504! If you love it so much, want to get paid too? , let's chat!! XO

Ashley DeJong

Stop Wishing it Away

Listen, I am just as guilty as the next guy. I find myself either saying or thinking, "Man I can't wait until..." Until what really? What exactly am I waiting for? More time to spend alone? Each stage comes with its highs and lows and I don't foresee the next phases of my daughter's life getting much easier. I look back at her as a baby and think "wow, why did I think that was so hard?" She literally laid there, ate and drank. But it was. Sometimes I look at her and think to myself "who are you?" We are in what everyone refers to as the "Toddler Stage" and I don't get it. She doesn't toddle around, she is a raging ball of energy that consumes every ounce of my daily sanity. I have in fact re-named this stage to the "Trying to keep her alive" stage :). If you are a mother of a child around this age, then you totally know what I am talking about. I could make a million excuses why I have not blogged in forever but it is because when I do get a minute to myself I would rather watch some stupid mindless TV or shove my face full of food then to try to prompt my brain to work. Over the past few weeks I have had 2 working moms tell me they have no idea how I stay home with her because they are going crazy during the Summer. Yes, I do have my crazy days and I like to think I am getting good at crazy! Like my previous blog post, I have so much respect for working moms as I don't know how YOU all do it. But we are women and we always figure it out :). I don't want anyone to think that I complaining, because I am not at all! I am just sharing one mother's stories to share a laugh with that one mother who can relate. This is real life. Back to the stage I call "Trying to keep her alive". Seriously, the second I turn around she is into something she shouldn't be and she knows it! Making an extra mess on top of the one I am currently cleaning up. Then when I turn around to start on that mess, she has mastered the door handles and helped herself into the garage and has started learing how to use the power tools. It is quite comedic to see a 25 pound child carry a leaf blower, I guess I should just be thankful she can't start the mower. I don't know what I will do next when she learns how to unlock the doors....A few weeks ago I was calling her name because she was quiet and we all know that is NEVER a good thing, no response. So I kept calling and getting more anxious with each yell. I heard a few squeaks and laughs from her only to eventually find her in the dryer.....yes you heard me right. Happy as a clam making the dryer spin by crawling in it.

I am seriously thankful each night that she is alive and well after the day's end because with each day it gets more and more risky! If I told everyone everything my sweet child has done, I would expect DHS to show up at my door step. I swear that is why play dates were invented. A mother's vent session on how we suck as parents, but hey it could be worse, right?! Like I said though, why do I keep wishing it away? With all of the stress and work that comes with raising a child, these are the memories I will always cherish and the stories I can't wait to share with her. Still when people ask me about having another baby, I kindly state that when God gives you perfection the first time, you just stop :) Haha. I don't tell them that in reality I would be in the loony bin with another child like the one I have. Her energy and spunk succeeds mine ten fold....and I AM young....or at least I tell myself that.

I have heard of the "why" stage but we are in a whole other stage that is taking the cake. Everything right now is followed by two words. They may sound simple to you but when you live them daily, I am lucky I still have hair. She says "touch it" after EVERYTHING. Almost to the point where my husband I am actually looked it up on good ol' Google making sure she didn't have some disorder. I am not kidding. She is so inquisitive which is great, but does she really need to touch everything? At Target for instance, those stupid big red balls outside scream to children "TOUCH ME". So I am that parent taking her over to the ball to touch it to avoid a melt down. Or for instancec, we can be at home and she will say "fan" then I will say "yes, that is a fan. Good job." And with that comes a "touch it." WHY? Why in the world do I have to reason with my child in every department store as to why I cannot reach the lights on the 20 foot ceiling and that she really can't touch everything? So after another trusty Google search, I ran across an article that made me stop and think. She is learning, her brain is telling her body to explore and to touch what she is saying. Go ahead and laugh, yes I already know she is learning but to hear someone put it down in less harmful words changed my thinking a little. Like as if the article was like "which idiot googles with concerns of her child learning?". Really though, why do I let it bother me so much? What is a couple more seconds out of my day to allow her to explore? Well a lot actually. I have this plan and agenda for the day of how it should go and I did not put in pit stops for touches! Sounds so stupid when I type it out how I actually think. What could really be that important? I doubt if I don't let her touch somethings she will end up in a slow learning class because of it and no I don't remember if my mother let me touch and explore as much as the next person, but I am a very hands on visual learner and I have a feeling she is the same. I have to learn to let go of some of the control. It is a slow process but taking that step back is good for your body. I am not kidding. Being able to laugh about somethings and skip other things is kind of freeing. It's like the Island people. You go on vacation and they have no clue what time it is, no schedule and seem to have no worries. She has a way of knowing just what I need in life. I needed that small reminder to slow down and just enjoy this ride. It doesn't last forever. I want to be that Grandma walking into Target someday smirking at the sweet mommy and daughter touching that big red ball and remembering how I used to do that and how simple it seems.

Finally what really inspired me to finally sit down and write a small post was at dinner last night. My husband works a lot of long hours and 95% of the time I cook dinner at home. It is much easier and I like to do it. Of course the other reason is that I have a 20 month old. Now you get it. So there is this new Mexican restaurant literally 1 mile from our house and they are usually not formal quiet places to eat so I thought perfect place to grab a bite. I made the mistake of telling the gentleman that we did not need a high chair if we had a booth. For the first 3 minutes she sat down then proceeded to spill the chips, knock over her water, and get the refried beans all over the seat. Nothing to harmful, just stressful when you are trying to eat and not piss other customers off in the process. I know I shouldn't care what they think or say but if I am honest, I do. I get anxious thinking that I am a bad parent and I can't get my child to behave. I could be like that woman in the paper who fed her child a margarita in her sippy cup and claimed she didn't know it had alcohol in it, but then I would be lying. EVERY mother knows what has alcohol in it :)

My husband was sitting across from me, not helping the situation of course and I found myself getting mad, like almost snapping at her. She was climbing all over me, standing behind me on the booth pushing me forward, playing with my hair, and hands around my neck in a hug like form. I  snarled and told her that I am with her all day long, you would think she would be sick of me by now. But as soon as I said that I don't know what came over me but I simply told my husband that I should just cherish it because in a few short years she won't even be eating dinner with us and she may not want to love on me like that. My mind was screaming at her but my heart was full of grace. I turned to her with my teeth still clenched together and smushed both of her cheeks with my palms and gave her nose kisses and told her that I loved her, like I try to do multiple times each day when I really just want to scream or cry. She let out a giggle and put her baby arms around my neck and said "ahh mama, lub you." My heart is hers forever. She has no idea the stress and angst she can cause me to feel but somehow she can simply make everything bad go away in an instant. Those blonde curls and gapped front teeth are the most precious thing I could wish for and here I am thinking it would just hurry up, grow up, and then all would be well. Again, just writing this out is hard because I can not think of anything worse that could happen, is her growing up and not needing me anymore and I just wished it away. So for now, stop the wishing away and start living in the present. You are needed.

You are My Sunshine

Where has the time gone? My baby is 1 today. So many emotions are floating around I can barely think straight, not to mention planning a Birthday and Baptism party on the same day! May have something to do with my craziness too, but it makes perfect sense, right? I could hardly sleep last night with so many thoughts going through my head like, "this is my last baby", "how could I love something so much?", and "am I doing it right?". It doesn't matter how many books are published on how to raise a baby, it is an instinct and somethings are just learned by trial and error. Too bad for her, the error starts and ends with her! So many things have changed in my life since she was born, I forgot how my life used to be, you know the FREE life. I am so lucky to have spent the time with her at home, no one could begin to understand how grateful I feel.  I now have a daily coffee date. We talk about how we slept, what we are going to do the rest of the day, then we call Nana to see how she is doing. I also have a permanent shopping buddy who will soon enough be embarrassed by me. I have a workout buddy who tries to get me to skip sessions all of the time. She is super helpful during downward dog. I suddenly become a bridge. No, my little stinker does not sleep through the night yet (yes I know she is 1) but it is MY fault entirely. There is something about knowing you will only have 1 child and every little thing they do is precious and will be ending in such a hurry you will almost had forgotten it happened. ( Don't get me wrong, I have my moments, and I am not perfect). Just like the parents who choose to be parents again and again and again. Did you forget that babies wake up and cry all night or that birth is soooo painful? Nope, you just know it ends and what you get with that is totally worth it. That is my attitude, whether it is right or wrong. It is right for me. You may hear me "complain" every once in a while but in reality I am trying to relate to other parents on that topic and agreeing so it is not a bunch of know it alls telling me what I am doing wrong. I am talking about a baby who just wants her mommy and I am ok with that. I get up, walk through the dark to her room, open the door, scoop her up and feed her the bottle. I nuzzle my face into hers and rock her while I enjoy the snuggles. I have sung "You are my Sunshine" to her since she was born and I put her back to sleep. It won't last forever.

Sometimes I find it hard to understand why I have never felt this kind of love before and how could it exist when she has no idea what I am doing for her and her only way of displaying her love back is crying, or so it feels. So many adult couples go to counseling for this exact reason. They don't feel love from their spouse. Why do we expect to feel it from them but never complain that our infant just doesn't show us love? Just something to think about. I feel love when she needs me, recognizes me, and reaches out for me. Actually, she can just be lying there throwing a fit and I still feel that love for her. Crazy huh? Haha That innocent face when she wakes up has the biggest smile and she knows I will always come get her. She has no idea my love for her. This kind of love is priceless. I mean, who loves a stinky diaper, slobbery, whiney mess? I do. If this is what growing up entails with a baby, then I am glad to do it. If this is what makes me miss events, concerts, girls nights, and "me" days, it is ok. It will not be like this forever. Someday I will be like my parents and have no more children at home and I do not want to be sitting there wishing I had done more or enjoyed more things with her.

You my love, have taught me patience. The other day we were raking leaves and playing outside and she thought it would be fun to dig all of the mud out of my flower pots then proceed to roll in it like a pig. I could only laugh. Seriously, what could her little brain be thinking at that point? I took her in later for a bath before her afternoon nap. After she was up from her nap my husband came inside to shower, so he started the shower water to get it warm. He then came to help me move a few boxes to another room. I called for the baby but I could not find her. I started looking in her favorite places she is not supposed to play and finally found her helping herself to the shower. Fully clothed, soaking wet, playing. She then said "bath". So I let her shower. It is those kinds of memories I will never forget. Before you, I had nothing to be patient for.

You will forever be my baby and I just can't tell you I love you to the moon and back. I have never really understood that term (yes I know it is from a book) but I just tell her I love you forever. My love does not stop for you when it comes back from the moon, it is infinite. Cheesy? Maybe, but yet another trait I have picked up since becoming a mom. I am a ball of mush, weep at the sight of her smile. It took me about a month to actually watch the video of her birth, I couldn't get through it. I can still hear in my head the team of amazing people telling me the moment she came out, "Awe Ashley, she is beautiful." I look back occasionally through old videos of her and I "talking" when she could barely even get a sound out and tears form every time. I always wanted and wished for a boy, but it was never up to me. God knew what he was doing and I am forever thankful for my precious baby girl who reminds me daily, we are on her time now.

So just like the song, I have sung for exactly 12 months already and will continue to sing as long as she will listen: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you never know Rowan, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away. I will love you forever. Happy Birthday Princess!

Marathon Mom

So I did it. Checked it off of my bucket list, did it before my 30th birthday, and completed it within a year of having my baby. I ran 26.2 miles for myself. Why? I am still not sure but it feels so good for it to be finally over! I started training in June and my race was last Sunday October, 19th. I really tried to keep track of all of my runs on the Map My Walk app but I missed a few here and there. The app tells me I burned 29,600 calories and ran a total of 332.4 miles training for this race....all for one single day and one single race. Believe me, it IS as crazy as it sounds. I really never followed a training plan as I could not dedicate that much time and discipline to it, so my longest run was 19.5 miles. I truly felt great during that run and felt as if I could keep going. So I thought no big deal, with all of the adrenaline, crowd, and everyone watching me, I could surely run the last 6.2 miles no problem. Haha that was a funny thought. Turns out it wasn't as easy as I was hoping.

Race day started for me with my alarm going off at 5am. I slept really well the night before (shocking) and tried to stay true to my normal pre-run routine. Cup of coffee, bagel with cream cheese, then out the door. Let me tell you, the nerves were in full force that morning...I got all of my gear ready (ipod, fuel, and clothes) and my hubby and I were out the door by 6:45am. The race started at 8am, so we waited inside of Embassy Suites Hotel and kept warm. I seriously could not believe how little people were wearing and the amount of "pump it up" stretching that was going on. I was lazily sitting in a chair conserving all of my energy for the race. Receiving text messages after text messages from friends and family was the motivation I needed. Thank you to all who took time out of your day to send me a little note. So grateful for each of you.Yes that is a MANS foot behind me, clearly getting his stretch on :)

vTime to head out to the race. Found my anticipated pace sign and was waiting for the announcer to yell START. 3 minutes after we were told to start, I crossed the start line, started my watch, and away I went. Before training started for the race my goal was 4 hours. After I started training, my goal was to finish. Glad I cleared those expectations up before I ran because I was clearly delusional. I needed to start super slow and not rush it or I would not last the rest of the race. The first 8 miles were hilly....I mean HILLY. I wish I could remember all of the signs people were holding because some were hilarious. Here were a few of my favorites:

1.) NEVER trust a fart

2.) Worst parade ever

3.) At mile 13 a sign read "Congrats, you just lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's first wedding

4.) Chuck Norris never ran a marathon

5.) If this race was easy it would be called your mom

6.) For all of you moms out there, this sign was funny. " Smile if you just peed a little."

Clever. And kept my mind busy for the first 13 miles....then boredom set in, the wind started picking up and I started to die. My amazing hubby met me all throughout the race, surprising me at several locations and kept me going...until I hit mile 20. Remember when I thought to myself, the last 6.2 should be easy? WRONG. Here is the photo my hubby took of me at mile 20.Friends, this is the look of death. If the Marathon Foto people actually dressed in disguise, they would capture these images from people, but they wear bright yellow vests and hold large cameras forcing me to smile so they don't publish crap like this. But this is real life folks, this is what pain looks like. Haha. I was running through WaterWorks park, next was Grays Lake, then back up MLK to the finish line. Only problem was I knew the route, it was super windy, like 10-20 mile an hour gusts, and not to mention we were running into that the last 4 miles. Brutal.

Crossing that finish line was the best feeling ever. I had done it. No more training, my family there with me to celebrate this amazing accomplishment and last but not least, I could sit down ( I just wasn't sure if I could get back up.)

So this is my medal, my keepsake for running this race. But the best "gifts" I received that day was the personal accomplishment of setting out to do something and succeeding, no matter what time I finished it in and my family greeting me with such joy at the finish line, like I had just made them all so proud.

This baby is my love and life, I got up each morning, per her in her buggy and took her on a run. Her laughter, talking, and cries each run pushed me to keep going. Her love is endless and I can do no wrong in her eyes. I am her hero already, I didn't need to prove anything to her, but I hope someday I did.

This man. My husband. Helped push me each time I wanted to give up (a lot of times) and was so supportive of the time it took away from spending it with him, our baby, and friends. He took care of the baby countless times to give me a break, let me rest or when I had 3 hours runs every weekend. Also huge thanks to my mother who also stepped in to watch my baby on the days daddy was busy or working :) Sometimes it takes big things like this to realize you really are so loved and have the best of the best. Much love.

And this is my time. No it is not what I wanted, not what I expected but there are few things more challenging than making your body run for 26.2 miles. I started thinking the other day about how I could have bettered my time, but I know exactly how. Run again. And my answer is simply NEVER AGAIN. That itch is scratched and I will leave you with one more look of death...or pain. You choose.

I want to send a huge thank you to all of the volunteers, staff and head people of the Des Moines Marathon. You guys are amazing and this event was flawless. The crowds, families, and other runners were such encouragement in the time of need. Putting my name on the front of my bib number proved to be more helpful than I thought. Random people yelling for me to keep going, you're looking great, and you are almost there. Midwest people really are some of the best people and maybe next year I will just do the half marathon or volunteer :) So if you are thinking you want to run 26.2 miles sometime in your life...do it.

Sincerely,

Marathon Mom